Monday, October 17, 2016

Making Miracles, Part II - Coming Home, Day #16

(You may want to read Part I of this post before continuing below...)

Saturday was a hard day.  
For no reason other than everything and nothing.  
It started kinda crummy (save the sleeping in…that was the best ever) and continued to get crummier until I was a weeping mess.   
I felt a lack of value.  
I felt - to use a very harsh word…worthless.  
(Man, do I despise the devil always whispering low but steady in my ear.) 
It has been a sad but constant theme of late.  

Another running theme is the changing of some of my friendships.
At 48 years of age, I thought I was set for life...maybe adding a friend here or there until I cross over the veil.
But events from this past year have me questioning many things, and disconcertingly, some of my friendships are among them.
My world has been getting smaller and smaller...
Partly by design and partly by choice.
It's a disorienting feeling, like hanging off a cliff wondering whether or not the net that's usually in place is there to catch you.

Since a couple of these friends were ones I often went to for advice or just to talk with when feeling low, my internal compass has felt ever shakier.
So on Saturday, when I was down, down, down, adding to my lack of direction in life was a lack of direction with whom to communicate.

Now shall we get back to my miracle from yesterday's post?

I tried several things to get myself out of the pit.
I read my devotionals.
I wrote a bit.
I cleaned the kitchen and lit my favorite candle.
I made a green drink.
I did an hour on the treadmill.
My heart didn't budge.

And then my husband...that great "doer" - my favorite man of action - he did something so unexpected, I could hardly catch my breath.

He put his arm around me...
Asked what was wrong...
And let me cry.
He didn't offer a word of advice.
No suggestion for action.
He simply held me as I wept, pouring out my heart to him and confessing my most insecure, ugly feelings.
At one point, I said, "I need to get out of here."
To which he asked, "Do you want to leave for the day?"
I replied sadly, "One day isn't gonna do it."
And he just whispered, "yeah," in understanding.

He continued to rub my back and tell me how sad and sorry  he was that I was feeling so worthless.
He told me he valued me.
He told me my job was the hardest.
And he told me whatever I needed to do for the rest of the day, he was fine with.
(Seeing as how we had people coming over for the football game, that was an especially big deal!)

God had answered my prayers from all of those years, speaking to my husband in the perfect way for to him to listen.
In a place away from us so he could focus.
In a forum to help him get better at his work, his place of action.
Then later, He whispered secrets to his heart to make our marriage stronger and more loving....and most beautifully, my guy listened.

Still God wasn't finished working yet.

{Why Part III tomorrow?
Why not just finish the story?
Well, a miracle 20 years in the making 
felt like it deserved a third day.
Hope you come back to finish it with me.
Thanks again for reading.}

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