Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Hoping in the Ache

Yesterday was hard.
Really hard.
The kind of hard that takes hold of your soul in a vice grip and squeezes.
The kind of hard that makes your teeth ache.

The day started normal enough.
Same ole, same ole...those stressors that exist every day.
You know, the ones you get so used to that you barely glance up from your grindstone to take notice?
Work to do on the app, wondering when it will fly.
Plotting staging and rehearsal for a current directing project.
Figuring percentages on tasks and assignments to calculate final grades for my college courses.
And in the back of mind...
The vague knowledge that we had a visit to the vet that may change our world a bit.
Nothing too much more than usual, though.
Among it all, I wrote about hope, and I felt better about my normal.

But as of last night, sitting on my chaise lounge, staring straight ahead at the wall as I wept, things didn't seem very normal and hope had somehow fallen by the wayside.
What fickle creatures we are.
One difficult thing transpires...or a series of events crop up...and that piece on hope is forgotten.

A family is fractured.
Someone is sick.
The dog you've loved for 13 years is beyond help.
So then is your heart.
"A fractured, sick heart beyond help" choked me last night.

I thought back through the day's events and wondered how things had changed so quickly.
I thought back on petting that beautiful pup until she rested easy at last.
I thought back on growing up on a farm with sisters I loved fiercely.
I thought back on my Daddy's final breath.
I thought amid the rain and the dark and the hurt.

Then I grasped the reason my grief had reached this magnitude in such a short span of time.
I thought.
I didn't pray.

What had I just written about and had forgotten already in my turmoil?
The first week of Advent, a single violet candle lighting the way to hope.
What had I committed to finding each day this week and yet, hours later, had overlooked?
"Hope in the Lord, hope in our lives, hope for Jesus' birth, hope for what we want to birth in His name."
I started 2014 with this chosen Word.
I prayed to end 2014 the same way.
With HOPE.

Hope in Him.
Hope for healing.
Hope for peace in grief.
Hope in the strong, binding ties of family.
Hope in forgiveness and grace.

And I was reminded in that moment what I've come to know so fully these years.
That when life is offered up in prayer, nothing...
No fracture...
No grief...
No illness...
No circumstance whatsoever can choke you.
When life is offered up in prayer, there is only - and ever - HOPE.

{Hoping for each of you today.
Hoping you see Him in every circumstance.
Thanks for reading.}

Photo credit:  Randomsoleil on Flickr

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