Four posts in July.
I'd say that piece of "blog trivia" pointedly sums up my internal scuffle this summer.
It's gone something like this...
Church, Grace, cry, resolve.
Church, Grace, cry, re...well, you get the picture.
I was driving home Saturday from a wonderful Southern California vocal event I was asked to adjudicate (hollah, Bruce and ICON!) when I heard a song that I knew was being played for me at that precise moment. (Hollah, God, and Your goodness!)
The line that struck me to the core?
"I don't want to say a word unless it points the world back to You."
I don't want to say words that aren't His.
So I've chosen silence.
I haven't been writing.
Not here. Not in my sacred space.
Because my words have not been His words.
My thoughts not His thoughts.
My actions not His actions.
This morning, as my children exited the door to their first day of Young American Summer Camp, as my body relaxed and certain peace found me, I had an epiphany and RAN to my computer (okay, walked...but really, really fast) because there He was, giving this terminally dense and extremely tired brain the feeling, the message, the words, the reason. (Hollah again!)
I need quiet.
Not all the time.
But in those early, sleepy moments at dawn of day, I need the quiet.
I need the still.
I need the total and complete silence.
Because it's in the quiet that I find Him.
Down deep in my heart where He dwells. Where He has taken up residence. Where He penetrates deep and sure and strong.
Not everyone needs quiet. We all find Him in our own places. And I can tell you in an hour, I'll be wondering what my kids are doing; whether or not they're growing and changing and having a great time; and I'll need to hear all about it - detail by minute detail - when they get home.
But right now, in this quiet, sun-filled moment;
In my house that needs a good scrubbing;
In this vessel that needs a hard workout;
In this chair that's sagging under the weight of my work and my cares,
I need Him.
His dreams for me.
I need the quiet in the morning to find grace for the day.
Photo credit: "Chairs on deck by lake" - Microsoft Word Stock Images