Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Best Kind of Multiple-Personality

Sometimes I read a passage or hear a turn of phrase, and that one thought can transport me to three different perspectives...all mine, but all unique.  Evolved over time from what I've learned, they remind me that I am the clay in the able, beautiful hands of The Potter, and that I continue to be molded into His best version of me.

I read on Saturday, "I want you to be all mine, filled with the Light of My Presence...Hold back nothing from Me."  Sarah Young's poignant instructions brought to mind three separate occasions of reading these very words and how vastly altered my interpretation of them has become.

Two years ago, I read these words for the first time and realized that if I continued to follow my own path, I would not be living a life whole and healed.  I remember digesting them and wanting so desperately to transform my thinking immediately, so I could extricate myself from the slimy pit in which I was trapped.

Last year I read them, healed and whole for the most part, and I recall being concerned that if He was in me
in every moment...
and every task...
and every word...
and every dream...
I would somehow lose myself. 
I was afraid that I would not retain many of the qualities that I love about myself and that make me...well, me.
I was afraid I might no longer be funny, spunky, decisive, in control, even a bit ironic. 
(I kept all but one.  Can you guess which?)

Saturday I read the same passage and recognized how far my thinking had developed. 
I realized that without Him, there is nothing I want. 
But with Him, I am not only myself, but the very best version of me. 
Still funny...still spunky...still decisive. 
Perhaps a bit less ironic. 
But of course, no longer in control because - SURPRISE, CYNTHIA! - I never was. 
He has always longed for that role of total caretaker in my life but sat on the sidelines awaiting my free will to figure it out. 
And not only am I the best version of myself when I keep Him with me,
I am more than I could hope for...
kinder...
wiser...
less quick to judge...
more quick to help. 
And I take none of the credit because it is simply His Spirit making me better. 

I still have so far to come but I strive to make it there.
I long to be His light, shining bright in the dark places for others.
I long for the day when I hold nothing back, surrendering every thought and deed to Him.
I long to be Him to everyone I meet.

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