Thursday, October 4, 2012

Breathing of the Spirit

Oh, I was having a morning.  It began unremarkably.  Same routine. 

Get up. 
Get dressed. 
Take my daughter to school. 
Come home. 
Get my son out of bed. 
Get him ready for school, aaaannnnnddddd...
Breathe.

I sat down to read my devotionals.  They were lovely.  Then I picked up my Bible to read the corresponding scripture.  As always, I turned first to John's Gospel where I keep my dad's picture. 

Each morning the same.
Turn to John.
Pull out the picture.
Gaze at Daddy's eyes a moment.
Say, "Good morning, Daddy."
Kiss his beautiful, Irish face.
Whisper "I love you."

This morning was no different.
Except when I pulled his picture out, I looked deep into those blue eyes and remembered...
Daddy never looked into my eyes before he died.

It haunts me some days.

He looked at most everyone else.
But when he looked my way, he looked right past me, right past my expectant, sorrowful, hazel eyes straight into the distance.
I knew it was intentional.
For some reason, he just couldn't look at me.

I told my husband, "I just wish I had known when I saw him in January and stayed with him, that would be the last time I got to look deep in his eyes."  I would have cherished those moments all the more.

I started to weep then stopped myself.
"Just read the Scripture, Cynthia," I said.
Of course, the message from John was clear.

"And I will ask the Father and He will give you another Advocate to be with you always, the Spirit of Truth which the world cannot accept, because it neither sees nor knows it.  But you will know it, because it remains in you and will be in you.  I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you." - John 14:16-18

and later...

"But I tell you the truth, it is better for you that I goFor if I do not go, the Advocate will not come to you.  But if I go, I will send him to you." - John 16:7

John, Daddy's favorite of all the Gospel authors, telling Jesus's story, his explanation to the Apostles of having to leave them. 
How, in His absence, they would be made more whole...
Be given more help...
Advocated by the Spirit...
Watched over from beyond by Him, their brother.
Thus in doing, He would come to them over and over and over and over.

Just like my Daddy is doing for me.
Not an orphan, but a blessed and vigilantly watched over daughter in spite of her brokenness.
A recipient of his care.
A vessel for the Spirit.
A keeper of the Truth.

"I love you, Daddy..."
 

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