Saturday, September 8, 2012

My Digital Scale (aka "The Enemy")

Cover it...please!
It seems strange that I have already reached
a stage of personal vanity so soon after Daddy's passing.
At the time, as I ate for comfort from my grief, I simply didn't care...
About my appearance,
About my weight,
About others' perception of me,
About the circumference of my thighs.
In the grand scheme of life and death, and the greatest loss of my life,
it truly did not matter to me. 
Quite honestly, in those months of sorrow,
it felt like it would never matter again.

I can understand why it is Jewish tradition while sitting Shiva, the 7 day period of mourning following the funeral of an immediate family member, that all of the mirrors in the house are covered.  They drape them in an effort to discourage the vanity of outward manifestations of their mourning while instead encouraging inward reflection.  (I'm personally feeling at the present time that this practice should be instated in my home year-round!)

But as the tide ever returns to the sea,
so the ebb and flow of our lives eventually return to normal after a loss.
It was with great joy, then, after weeks of following a pretty strict regime of P90X workouts and good nutrition, that I sent out an email to my nearest and dearest that I had lost three pounds last week. 
It was exciting and it did matter again. 

This morning I arose and weighed again - one week later -
to find that two of those three little boogers had crept back on
silently in the past seven days.
I hate that it mattered.

No sooner had I weighed and observed the results with great disgust
than I plopped heavily (pun intended) in my favorite seat to read, in discouragement, my daily devotion.  The words:

"Accept each day exactly as it comes to you.  By that, I mean not only the circumstances of your day, but also the condition of your body."

Come on! 
Are you kidding me that this is my message
not minutes after my disappointing discovery?!?!? blown away....

After I sufficiently reacted, (Italian interpretation:  laughed aloud and made wild gestures with my hands), I continued reading:

"On some days, your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance.  Even if you wrongly choose (giving up), I will not reject you.  You can turn to me at any point, and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement."

Thank you, God, for acknowledging even my seemingly petty problems
as those worthy of Your time and support. 
For showing I can lean on You even in the midst of worldy cares.
For showing I can be strong with Your help in the throws of disappointment.
For promising to lift me out of the muck and the mire.

(And You know I could sink fast these days with
the additional mass of these thighs weighing me down!
Throw me a!)

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