Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Freed from Fear

Do you have an Achilles heel of fear?  One that can be manipulated by "him" to keep you down and hopeless?  I hate that I do, but I can admit this weakness.  When I don't feel well, or I have unexplained aches, pains - malaise of any kind - it's like the darkness takes over.  In other words, I turn into a total wacko!

This is a quality I have been working very hard over the past year to change.  It's really a waste of my time which just ticks me off.  But "he" knows it, and I'm certain works hard at making sure there is always something going on with me physically to prompt anxiety.

Case in point...

The last few days, I have had unexplained neck and back pain on my left side, followed by headaches and most recently a stye in my left eye.  (I don't think I've had a stye since high school!)  Don't you think it escaped me that all of these aches and pains were occurring on the side of my body that hit the garage door last week.  And don't think it's unintentional.  "he" knows that would be exactly what would freak me out, people!

But just as the terms "subdermal hematoma" and "post concussion syndrome" (the dreaded PCS!) began dragging me into the black, I made a conscious decision.  I said to myself (and "him") that I have had neck and back pain for years - too many decades of dancing without proper warm ups first - and that they'll probably continue...I've always gotten through it so it's no big deal.  And I just prayed, "I'm staying in faith on this.  I'm fine.  I'm gonna be great.  Thank you, God, for staying with me and keeping me calm."  Then I put ice on my neck and went to bed.

The next morning I awoke, turned my head from side to pain.  Then I read the first line of my morning devotional: 

[Jesus said] “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” (Mark 5:31-34)

I almost cried when I read that.
What more can I say?
Thank You, Lord, for your blessings and gifts...
all the messages you send to this very dense woman.

He is the reason I continue on.

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