As I read the Gospel reading in church from my Missal, one I have heard for years and years in preparation of Easter, it was as if a very dim light had been lit. For some reason (maybe I was listening this time?), I heard it as never before.
From John 12:27-28a, a reflection from Jesus to His disciples on what was to come:
"I am troubled now. Yet what should I say? 'Father, save me from this hour?' But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name."
Wow...how insolent have I always been.
How, in all the times I felt that I had an unreasonable cross to bear, I would tell God it wasn't fair and to implore Him to please take the cross from me. (Father save me from this hour.)
How I did not recognize that perhaps there was a grander plan...a reason for the suffering...a way to benefit or even be blessed to bear that cross. (But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour.)
How I never even considered that I should thank Him with a grateful and humble heart for sending the cross from which I could learn...grow...help others. (Father, glorify Your name.)
Of course, my crosses have been nothing compared to the literal one that He had to bear. And my purposes for them nothing compared to His purpose for us all. But what a beautiful example of what to do, how to act when these crosses continue to assault me. Rather than asking to be saved from my darkest hour, recognizing that there is a purpose, whether I know it or not; to then thank Him for the cross as an opportunity to lean on Him, to trust in His higher plan.