Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Party of One, Please

This morning a line from my devotional caught my attention and made me chuckle.  "Your desire to live in My presence goes against the grain of 'the world, the flesh, and the devil.'"  Yeah, yeah, I know it doesn't seem humorous out of context, but if you had been with me last night, after a long day of emotional trial, you would be laughing too.

Drew and I had several meetings yesterday that were child-focused...always emotional as a mother.  Stressful as well as I pray and endeavor to say the right thing and respond the correct way whilst feeling the whole time like I am a bug squirming on a slide under a microscope.  "Did I answer that the right way? Does he/she think I'm a ___________ parent?"  (You fill in the blank:  controlling, unempathetic, passive, permissive, domineering.  Those are generally my adjectives.)  Anyway, the meetings went fine, though I was spent at the end...and starving!!!  Shoulda packed a snack.

I got home and called my sister with whom I had been trying to touch base all day.  I caught her with a few minutes to talk and we started going through my trip home this week and our schedules.  I insisted, "I'm feeling really great about the trip...not stressed at all."  I spied a brownie left over from my Superbowl gathering...ate it.  "Really, the meetings today were okay.  We got through them.  A bit challenging but nothing I couldn't handle."  Okay, just one more brownie. 

To prevent myself from completely losing the respect of every one of my blog readers, I will not divulge the number of brownies that were missing by the end of my telephone conversation.  But I will remind my daily readers of my prayer started several weeks ago in regard to emotional eating.  I have been praying that prayer successfully for two weeks...apparently, I was unable to focus on it while also on the phone.

So the humor of the devotional reading came in the form of my momentary focus away from God and the infiltration of "the world, the flesh, and the devil."  Disturbing that he was lurking in the shadows waiting until my defenses were down and out, then luring me in with that which he knows I find challenging to ignore...chocolate and sugar.  Arrrggghhh...

But the successful part of constant prayer is the knowledge that today is a new day.  It is one I will not squander out of guilt, shame, fear or anger.  I will not go back to my previous ways, "Well, I already ruined the week.  I'll start again next Monday."  No, today again I pray this prayer successfully:  "Lord, fill in me what is missing that is causing my hunger.  Fill me with Your spirit so I feel satiated."  I know I will prevail over this momentary lapse, stronger for the knowledge that I recognize the dangers and the pitfalls of my humanity.  I will get up, dust myself off of the cocoa powder and gluttony, and venture to fully live in His presence in spite of the sad, singular, dessert party for one I threw myself in a moment of "woe is me" weakness.

No comments:

Post a Comment