Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Pitter Patter of Baby Steps

Eat more fiber call mama get up early healthful foods check in with sisters return emails what about the magazine article take down Christmas do paperwork research book prayer of jabez grocery shop workout clean house walk dogs train dogs that darn dog buy new ping pong paddle to replace chewed one reupholster dining room chairs earn money argh money visit sick friend go over calendar meet for lunch do writing exercises I can't fit it all in

That is the stream of consciousness that comes forth from my brain every day when I awake, continues throughout every morning, and pervades every moment of my day.  (Sorry to subject you.)  I want to get it all done.  I want to make it all important.  Sadly, I generally just end up feeling overwhelmed and
then I shut down.

There's a beautiful quote by Thomas A Kempis that reads, "The Lord gives His blessing when He finds the vessel empty."  I love the assurance of this sentiment.  But when my brain is working on overload as above, my question for Mr. Kempis is, "What does the Lord do when the vessel is overflowing with junk?"

With proof positive of what He does, I can answer my own question (if I would just settle down and listen to Him through myself sometimes!).  He sends messages.  My job is to be in tune enough to discern them when I receive them.

Three days ago I read:  "Let your weakness be a door to My presence.  Whenever you feel inadequate, remember I am your ever-present help."

Five days ago, I read:  "Don't think of New Year's resolutions.  Think of New Day's resolutions.  What goal will you set for yourself to achieve within the next 24 hours."

This morning I read: "Trust Me by relinquishing control into My hands.  Let go, and recognize that I am God."

And all around me, there are more physical signs.  Red lights and other things slowing me down, breaking down, taking pause, going "wrong" - I look at these occurrences now as signs that I am on the wrong path, headed into the wrong of stress and nervousness, frustration and anger, bitterness and attempt at control.

But I'm not in control.  He is.

So what do I do?  What is the answer?

Baby steps...teeny, tiny baby steps into productivity...into achievement for Him...then into His grace.  Baby step (make a list) step (by the end of the day, have "X" done) step (plan and then plan for is inevitable).

Then hopefully when I awake, my head will sound more like:

Eat more fiber (done)
Call Mama (Wednesday after writing my blog)
Get up early (check, I'll sleep in Saturday)
Healthful foods (pray/breathe)
Check in with sisters (text then call later)
Return emails - (have to wait until tomorrow)
What about the magazine article (say a prayer)
Take down Christmas (put on music, rock out while working - oops, no time'll happen eventually)
Do paperwork (as needed)
Pray, breathe, pray, breathe, pray, breathe...

Now I'm off to go replace a ping pong paddle.

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