Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Oh, Lord, It's Hard to be Humble...


Grrrrrrrrr..............!!!!!!!!!!!

Miffed
Ticked
Fretting
Worried
Bothered
Anxious
Judgmental
Unyielding
Smug
Arrogant
Ugly


I decided to take the day off from writing yesterday to enjoy a migraine on Martin Luther King Jr. day...the former which I'm sure was exacerbated by the emotions listed above, strangling me in their toxicity.  (Yes, I said "strangling me in their toxicity" - a bit melodramatic, you say?  Probably, but I couldn't think of a better way to describe it.)

So I can't, in good conscience, continue with my "lessons learned" from Sunday morning's service (see Monday's entry, "What the Heck Am I Praying For?, to catch up on my reference here), without admitting my day of evil yesterday.  (Yes, I said "day of evil" - a bit melodramatic, you say?  Probably, but I couldn't think of a better way to describe it.)  Otherwise, this entire blog would be a total sham!

I'll admit it...I was having a bad, worrisome, judgmental day, and I didn't feel like giving it up.  Do you ever feel that way?  Just sick of trying to be good and right and selfless?  Let's face it...it's hard to be humble.  I honestly and fervently try, as the quality of humility just isn't in my kitchen naturally.  And of course, when you know everything...oh wait, there I go again.

I awoke from a deep sleep both by the migraine and a nightmare.  My defenses were down, so anger and frustration easily became my allies.  And to be frank, I just didn't feel like fighting them off.  By evening, however, I was starting to feel aches and pains in places that were haunting reminders of last year's illness, and as terror started to clutch me, I stopped and proclaimed aloud, "You're fine.  Stop it.  Get out of here."  (That last one was to the evil that was beginning to take hold.  Yes, I said "evil that was beginning to take hold" - a bit melodramatic, you say?  Probably, but I couldn't think of a better way to describe it.) And I immediately felt normal again.

I wish I didn't have days like this.  And yeah, yeah, I know I could have stopped it earlier with a change of attitude.  It's just that that quality of self-righteousness is altogether too tempting to me still.  It's so rare I get to be right in my house.  ("Hurry, or you'll be late to your classroom," I said to my son as he was walking out the door this morning to rehearsal.  "Don't you mean 'auditorium'?" he corrected me as to his final destination.  Really, dude?  Did ya' really have to correct "classroom"?  Really?)  So on the atypical occasion that I feel so strongly about my opinion, I have trouble correcting myself.

As I was trying futilely to move away from these uncharitable feelings, I was doing research and came across a verse from the book of Psalms:

"O Lord, our Lord, how awesome is Your name in all the earth!  You have set Your majesty above the Heavens!  When I see your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars You set in place – what are humans that You are mindful of them?  Yet You have made them little less than a god, crowned them with glory and honor."  Psalm 8:2, 4-5a, (My underline)

When I read the underlined portion, I thought, "Boy, someone thinks highly of himself."  But as I put yesterday to rest, I realized that we have been made a little less than a god...because we were made in the image of Christ, with the hope that we would embrace our potential in endeavoring to be like Him, acting always with glory and honor.
There was no glory in my behavior yesterday, nor honor. Sigh...There was only self-aggrandizing and, let's face it, um, well, blech.  (Yes, I said "blech" - a bit inarticulate, you say?  Probably, but I couldn't think of a better way to describe it.)  So as I cut myself a huge slice of humble pie and chow down this morning, I'm able to let yesterday go and endeavor to begin anew...with a better attitude, a hopeful attitude, an honoring attitude.




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